Was coaching an individual and one of the questions posed was "Did my parents love me?"
To make matters worse, both parents have already passed on and there was no way in which the individual could get any confirmation.
In NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming), there was a saying, the Map is NOT the territory.
"The map is not the territory" is a phrase coined by Alfred Korzybski, a Polish-American philosopher, and scientist, to highlight the distinction between a representation or model of reality (the map) and the actual reality or experience itself (the territory).
For example: When I say dog. The dog is the territory and how we represent (map) the dog is different for all. Some may be very happy whereas some may be fearful. These could be due to the different experiences we had or different expectations.
Initially, the coachee could only recall all the occasions in which his father punished him when he was young.
When I mentioned the 5 love languages, he said he was familiar with them and that his love language was Words of Affirmation.
He shared that his dad never said I love you to him.
I shared a story between a husband and wife in which their love languages were different and that resulted in tension in their relationship. Husband was Acts of Service and Wife was Loves of Affirmation.
The husband was demonstrating love through his action but the wife wanted to hear "I love you".
Something clicked in him as he shared that his dad was a giver, a provider, and that his love language was probably Acts of Service.
He shared that when his mum was very ill and bedridden, his dad was there by her side. Even when she died in front of her husband, he recalled that his dad kissed his wife on the forehead and cried.
He did not say "I Love You" to his wife.
That was a BIG realization for him to know that his Dad DID love him, just in a different way than what he was expecting.
Reflection Question
In what way my model of the world is not serving me and what should change?